Week 3, 2014.

Well well well,
this blog DOES need some update every once in a while.

Just let me rant for a while.

And I know it's all safe to write here. Because :)


"I do not know if meeting you was a good or a bad thing.
Cause for everything that happens, there surely must be the pros and cons, eh?

I really don't know.
There's just something about....you.

That really caught my attention.

Your looks?
Your attitude?
Your behaviour?
Your smile?


...but even after so and many years, I never seem to understand some terms.

"Don't put so much attention on someone who won't put that much of attention into you."

I never learn from my mistakes.

Mistake --> Falls --> "Lesson learnt" --> Repeats mistake.

And the cycle goes on and on and on.



I'm dreaming, 
I'm hallucinating,
I'm ...hoping.

Too much.
Okay maybe a liiiiiiitle too much.


For what?
For the impossible?



Why care so much when the other party doesn't do so?

Why never learn from all these one sided experiences?

Friendships?


They never end...beautifully.


..nothing ever ends beautifully.

Always one party will end up ugly. 


I should really learn to control my mouth.
As if I don't.
Sometimes you just can't control - words just slip out.
Accidentally.


And if some other party is quick enough to pick up - jeng jeng jenggggggggggg.
Thoughts.
Doubt.
Fear.
What ifs.
:O 
Dead meat. Or maybe not haha.

But I must really say,
What magic is this have you placed on me?
Or is it a curse?


Every second, every minute, every hour. 

Okay maybe not EVERY, but most of the time.

Every day.

Any moment I'm awake.

Or about to fall asleep.


What is this?

Why?

Forbidden?

Why?

"Last seen's" - the most evil thing ever invented, hahaha.




....do you really not care?


..at all?

But I must say, 
Any small, small thing you have done that made me smile,




...I appreciate.
...I treasure.
...I..okay maybe not remember, but somehow ..
yeah I smiled :)



Hold on, not long more, 
Everything will come to an end.
We'll separate.
We'll split.
We won't see each other any more.

So is that good or bad?"




Okbai.

Level up!

Ja jaaang, yours truly.

               This is Randy, or Meng Meng (that's what I call him. Heh)                    And this is the ever pretty Desiree.

Okay, this is the first time i'm uploading my own photos on my blog.

Yaay (?) I'm 20.
HAHAHA.

But seriously, thanks Meng and Riri for the surprise, cake and present.
And also the lame excuses and acting. HAHAHA.

Why I love them?
This group of people, they never fail to come up with all sorts of wacky ideas for birthday surprises.
Oh before that, this group of people consists of..
Desiree
Meng
Le Zheng
Sin Hui
Anqi
Mok
Xiang Lin
Jaryl
And a few more which am not sure whether to mention their names or not. Oh well.


This group of friends,
I came to know them when I was in UTAR.
We all started together.
But wow, 2 years down the line and most of us are..separated.
Some came, some went..
And the list changes...



I won't say I expected more, but yeah this small gathering of the three of us is more than enough.
Totally understand those who can't make it.
Cause we are all....


separated....



IT'S OKAY, we can still keep in touch via social networks. Heee.





But deep down inside I am..disappointed.
Over someone else.
I waited...for you.
Where were you?
Your wish would be sufficient.
I wish I could learn to not put so much hope in you.
Indeed disappointed. 
That's why, never put so much hope in someone that you have just got to know.
Lesson learnt.



Actually I don't know what to write.
I just felt like writing cause..it's something to be celebrated?
HAHAHA.

So, I've survived another year.

Another year has passed by so quickly.

Let's pray for the remainder of the year, 

and may things go well. 

Alright? :)

Unfathomable.

I'm worried, but I'm glad.

I'm sad, but I'm happy,

I'm confused, I don't understand.

I hope to, and I want to.


To see you.


Everyday.



What is this?

Who are you to me?

What is this.. feeling?





"How are you?"

"What are you doing?"

"What are you thinking?"

"Morning."

"Night, sleep tight."







"...do you feel the same way as I do?"






I know, I should not put too much hope in you.

In fact, I should not put any hope in you.

Why should I, why would I?

It's absurd.

It's futile.

It's  
  .
  .
  .  


impossible. 







Stop playing games with me already, alright?

I'm getting tired of it.

Save me from all the heart aches, okay?