....Almost.

Can you tell me?

How can one miss what she's never had

How could I reminisce when there is no past

How could I have memories of being happy with you boy?

Can someone tell me how can this be?

How could my mind pull up incidents

Recall dates and times that never happened

How could we celebrate a love that's to late?

And how could I really mean the words I'm bout to say...

I missed the times that we almost shared

I miss the love that was almost there

I miss the times that we use to kiss

At least in my dreams

Just let me take my time and reminisce

I miss the time that we never had

What happened to us we were almost there

Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had

Never almost had you...

I cannot believe I let you go

Or what I should say I should've

grabbeb you up and never let you go

I should've went out with you

I should've made you my boo boy

Yes that's one time I should've broke the rules

I should've went on a date

Should've found a way to escape

Should've turned a almost into

If it happened now its to late

How could I celebrate a love that wasn't real?

And if it didn't happen why does my heart feel?

I missed the times that we almost shared

I miss the love that was almost there

I miss the times that we use to kiss

At least in my dreams

Just let me take my time and reminisce

I miss the times that we never had

What happened to us we were almost there

Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had

Never almost had you...

..yep. Everything was almost there.

What happened?

Happy...Independence Day?

Please don't shut me out alright?
Please don't turn your back on me.
You don't have to keep your distance from me.

For the first time in forever,
I've shed tears over someone.
For the first time in forever,
I don't know how to feel.

I've been on a roller-coaster of emotions,
And now I'm stuck at the low point.
Dear Time, please do your magic,
I can't take this anymore.

Here's what I have been thinking:
1. You're not interested anymore.
2. A cold treatment so that it is easier for you to leave, for me to forget you and nobody gets hurt.
But I'm hurt already.
3. I expected too much.

I don't know what happened,.
Please, can't we fix this together?
I'll keep my distance for now,
Until the next firework sound and then we'll make our own fireworks again.
But for now, I wish you all the best no matter where you are.


I don't know the chance of you reading this post but if you do come across this post, yeah. Please.

I'm only human.

I'm only human.
I bleed when I fall down.
I crash and I break down.
There's only so much that I can do; so much that I can bear; so much that I can handle.

All the emotions.
All the pressure.
All the expectations.
All the disappointments.
All the killed-me-inside moments.

Sometimes,
When you want to catch your friend by accident.
But not knowingly they fall into your trap with ease.
And the look on the person's face after they realize what they have just said/done.

...In which the reply killed you inside.

"I doubt how will you perform."
"I expected better. I expected more."
"He/She is there doing so and so."
"Why did you do so?"
"If you felt it was difficult, how did the rest do?"



I am not as good as you think.
I am not thinking straight.
I have not been doing my best.
I have been letting even myself down.
I am scared.
I am competitive.
I am...scary.


I want to run.
I want to hide.
I want to express.
I want to tell.
I want to be honest.


Who doesn't want to live a "correct" life?


But as everything goes by,
I still have this hope.
This hope that never fail to remind me;

He loves you.
He NEVER gives up on you.
He will always wait for you with arms open wide no matter how far you have gone.

In Him I seek comfort.
In Him I find rest.
In Him I trust.
For He listens.

Friends and Trust.

I've always had this saying:

Friends are like a handful of sand that you hold at the beach.
With every rush of seawater that washes your hand,
They reduce in amount.
And by a few more washes,
They'll be all...gone.

Same thing applies for trust too.

Keep on giving me reasons to not to trust you,
And slowly you'll be gone too.

Week 3, 2014.

Well well well,
this blog DOES need some update every once in a while.

Just let me rant for a while.

And I know it's all safe to write here. Because :)


"I do not know if meeting you was a good or a bad thing.
Cause for everything that happens, there surely must be the pros and cons, eh?

I really don't know.
There's just something about....you.

That really caught my attention.

Your looks?
Your attitude?
Your behaviour?
Your smile?


...but even after so and many years, I never seem to understand some terms.

"Don't put so much attention on someone who won't put that much of attention into you."

I never learn from my mistakes.

Mistake --> Falls --> "Lesson learnt" --> Repeats mistake.

And the cycle goes on and on and on.



I'm dreaming, 
I'm hallucinating,
I'm ...hoping.

Too much.
Okay maybe a liiiiiiitle too much.


For what?
For the impossible?



Why care so much when the other party doesn't do so?

Why never learn from all these one sided experiences?

Friendships?


They never end...beautifully.


..nothing ever ends beautifully.

Always one party will end up ugly. 


I should really learn to control my mouth.
As if I don't.
Sometimes you just can't control - words just slip out.
Accidentally.


And if some other party is quick enough to pick up - jeng jeng jenggggggggggg.
Thoughts.
Doubt.
Fear.
What ifs.
:O 
Dead meat. Or maybe not haha.

But I must really say,
What magic is this have you placed on me?
Or is it a curse?


Every second, every minute, every hour. 

Okay maybe not EVERY, but most of the time.

Every day.

Any moment I'm awake.

Or about to fall asleep.


What is this?

Why?

Forbidden?

Why?

"Last seen's" - the most evil thing ever invented, hahaha.




....do you really not care?


..at all?

But I must say, 
Any small, small thing you have done that made me smile,




...I appreciate.
...I treasure.
...I..okay maybe not remember, but somehow ..
yeah I smiled :)



Hold on, not long more, 
Everything will come to an end.
We'll separate.
We'll split.
We won't see each other any more.

So is that good or bad?"




Okbai.