I bleed when I fall down.
I crash and I break down.
There's only so much that I can do; so much that I can bear; so much that I can handle.
All the emotions.
All the pressure.
All the expectations.
All the disappointments.
All the killed-me-inside moments.
Sometimes,
When you want to catch your friend by accident.
But not knowingly they fall into your trap with ease.
And the look on the person's face after they realize what they have just said/done.
...In which the reply killed you inside.
"I doubt how will you perform."
"I expected better. I expected more."
"He/She is there doing so and so."
"Why did you do so?"
"If you felt it was difficult, how did the rest do?"
I am not as good as you think.
I am not thinking straight.
I have not been doing my best.
I have been letting even myself down.
I am scared.
I am competitive.
I am...scary.
I want to run.
I want to hide.
I want to express.
I want to tell.
I want to be honest.
Who doesn't want to live a "correct" life?
But as everything goes by,
I still have this hope.
This hope that never fail to remind me;
He loves you.
He NEVER gives up on you.
He will always wait for you with arms open wide no matter how far you have gone.
In Him I seek comfort.
In Him I find rest.
In Him I trust.
For He listens.
